Reverse Engineer Your Life to Eliminate Regret

“Enjoy the time with your young kids,” they say.  “The time goes by way too fast and you’ll miss it later.”  But in the middle of changing diapers, strapping in car seats, making sure they didn’t break anything down low when we went to visit others and the occasional tired crying tantrum in a public place, the days seemed long.  Parenting of young children means you are rarely off duty and if you add in working full time on top of it, as I did, it can be overwhelming.

I remember when my kids hit about middle school age and I thought, “I wish I had enjoyed those younger, sweeter days more.”  I missed the snuggles, the wanting to be with me, the innocence of youth that seemed to already be disappearing. But life was busy in middle school too with football practices and games, dances, friends and parties to navigate.  Time kept going. There was no time to indulge my regrets.

In their high school years, I remember thinking, “I wish I had enjoyed those middle school years more.  I wish I would have found better ways to stay connected with the kids and build more family memories.”  They had started to pull away as all kids do as part of the maturing process and I had let them. I didn’t know how to handle it any differently and honestly, I was tired and stressed out with life.  So, if they wanted to go to a friend’s house or play video games too long, many times that happened.

As they left school and started their young adult lives, I had thoughts of, “I wish I would have connected more with their friends when they came to the house and gotten to know them better.  I wish I would have babied my teenagers a little bit more at times for them to feel their mother’s love for the last few years at home.” But they had rushed off to the basement with their friends as soon as they arrived.  They seemed so independent and they didn’t want my opinion or advice.  

I wish I would have...could have...should have.  The regret can eat you alive inside. Now keep in mind I was not a bad mom.  I was attentive to my kids. I met their needs. I loved them deeply. I did talk to them.  I attended every event I could. I praised their every effort. But I never felt that it was enough.  I never felt that I was good enough.

There was always another mother to compare myself to.  The mom who stayed at home. The friend’s mom that connected so well with my child and seemed to know them even better than I did.  The mom that was more crafty than me. The mom who volunteered and organized my kids’ events. The mom that their child seemed to adore them.  

I often felt disappointed with this aspect of my life.  And it’s a huge aspect!! I felt unfulfilled as a mother.  I felt like I had wasted so many years and was regretting so many choices and decisions.  As I cried out to God about my pain, He reminded me that there was nothing I could do about the years gone by.  To continue to mull them over, second guess my every word and action, and to live in regret wouldn’t help at all.  And in fact, if I didn’t do something different, I was going to wake up 5 years from now and say, “I wish when my kids were young adults, I had done __________ differently.  I regret the last 5 years as much as the previous years. Another five years wasted.”

Well, I didn’t want that!  It was a wake-up call to me that I needed to figure out what success would look like for me as a mom of young adults.  At the end of the next five years, what would make me feel successful (not perfect) and fulfilled in the role of parent?  What could I intentionally set about to do over the next five years so I wouldn’t wake up in regret that I had wasted this time too?

Time goes by fast and I found that I could not do everything I would want to.  If I made a list of all the things I think a perfect parent would do, I couldn’t accomplish them all.  It takes a village they say, right?! But I could determine the minimum things I needed to do to have that time frame be successful.  I could determine the priorities.

It’s kind of like when you go to the grocery store without a list.  You come out with no meals, a lot of odds and ends and mostly junk food.  You probably just wasted a bunch of money. You get home, put it all away and still feel like you have nothing to eat.  You regret your trip to the store. It was not successful.

Reverse engineering our lives is like taking a list to the grocery store.  You come away with the exact things you need to make a fulfilling dinner and didn’t waste money on the junk and extras.  When you know what success at the end will look like from the beginning, you can then know where to put your time, money and energy.  You won’t waste the years. You won’t live in regret. It’s a huge stress buster! And it works in every area of your life.

Need help with this?  CLICK HERE to schedule a FREE Stress Buster Strategy Session (limited spaces available).  You’ll walk away with a plan to bust regret and feel fulfilled in all areas of your life.

For me reverse engineering my life is one of the ways that God  "will restore or replace for you the years that the locust has eaten...You shall...be satisfied, And praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; And My people shall never be put to shame." Joel 2:25-26