The Most Brutally Honest 10 Minutes of Your Life

I’m going to be brutally honest.  I’ve always been discontent with my relationship with God.  Even when I was spending a good amount of time in Bible study, prayer, going to church and volunteering, I felt that I was missing something.  It wasn’t all I wanted it to be.  

There was something deep within me that knew there should be more.  I wanted more.  I felt like God wanted more.  When I say more, I don’t mean He wanted me to do more, pray more, or believe more.  I mean He wanted a more intimate relationship like I did.  He wanted a more vibrant, interconnected life with me.  

I had moments of deep connection during a women’s retreat or even a special time of worship in my own home, but they were like visits from God instead of a life union with Him.  

I was stressed by life - financial issues, health issues, work issues, relationship issues.  And my relationship with God was giving me limited results in these areas.

Adding in this discontentment for my relationship with God only added to the stress.  Now, not only were my finances a wreck but not even my relationship with God was what I wanted.  Then I learned that this discontentment was not just me having unrealistic expectations for my relationship with God or with life.  It was actually deep calling unto deep.  

The psalmist explains it this way “[Roaring] deep calls to [roaring] deep at the thunder of Your waterspouts; all Your breakers and Your rolling waves have gone over me.” (Psalm 42:7)  Read verses 1-6 of Psalm 42 and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.  The psalmist was longing for more of God.

I didn’t know anyone else brave enough to admit that what they were getting out of their Christian walk was not enough.  Everyone I knew, including myself up to that point, was putting on brave faces and waiting for the rapture to come and rescue us, or telling ourselves that we can’t understand why things are the way they are here, we just have to trust and someday in Heaven we’ll understand.  But that was never good enough for me.  I felt there had to be more to this Christian walk with God and it started now here on earth.  I felt that within every fiber of my being that it was God’s plan and not just my wish. 

When I say that what I was getting out of my Christian walk was not enough I want to clarify that if all I ever got by asking Jesus to be my Lord and Savior was a forgiveness of my sins so that Heaven could be my home someday when I die and then get to live an amazing life in eternity with God...that of course, would be more than enough.  And I was grateful for that.  

But the Bible seemed to be offering me more.  And if God was offering, I was going to accept.  I saw more in the Bible and I wanted more.  I wanted my relationship with God to affect the here and now not only for my own comfort, peace and joy but for His glory.

One of the things that bothered me was, if Jesus defeated the enemy on the cross, and yet nothing seemed to change except for my eternal home, what does that say about the power of God?  Didn’t sin still win in some regard?  Wasn’t sin still more powerful, at least in this world, than God’s power?  Intellectually as well as spiritually, I knew the answer was no!  Nothing was more powerful than God.  I knew that Jesus’ work on the cross was not a partial job.  It was complete.  And yet, why wasn’t I seeing that in my life?!?!

Some might explain it away with saying, “Well, we live in a sinfallen world and Satan is still working in those who are not saved and that affects us.”  I could just never buy that line of reasoning.  It sounded reasonable but not Biblical to me.  It sounded like a way to explain what we couldn’t understand to make ourselves feel better.  

At this point you may be thinking, “I’ve never heard anyone talk like this before.  I’ve never heard anyone complain about how things work with God.  That seems a bit bold and brazen.  You should just be content with what God gives you.  Who are you to ask for more out of your relationship?”  And others of you are thinking, “Has she been a fly on the wall of my heart hearing all my inner conversations in my mind about why isn’t this working and how I want more?!?!” 

Perhaps if it was just me wanting more and being discontent it would be wrong, but as I mentioned the deep things of God are calling to the deep things of man, telling us there is more. Like the psalmist says, "[What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living!" (Psalm 27:13 AMPC)

And what I have found is when I experience "the more", the stress of life goes away.  That’s why I, as The Stress Buster Coach, am talking about this.  My calling is specifically to Christian women who want more out of their Christian walk.  It’s to those who are not content to wait for Heaven for all the good things to start.  It’s for those who want all that Jesus died to give them.  

This deep desire within us all is for both relationship and responsibility. It’s not an audible sound to the natural ear. It’s heard spiritually. It penetrates our spirit, awakening us to the light and free life that God has intended for us all along.  It’s something that we can relax into and it’s the place that we find rest, restoration and refreshment.  It’s a calling to be immersed or saturated in His presence and to have our lives resonate with His intentions for our life.  

I have found myself using this word resonante a lot lately.  Resonate means “produce or be filled with a deep, full, reverberating sound.”  I was listening to a podcast or reading a blog and the Christian teacher was saying some things that I was unsure about.  I hadn’t studied it for myself and didn’t want to be led astray but I could feel it connecting with my spirit.  It felt right.  Do you know what I mean?  It resonated with my spirit as being truth.  

What is God calling us to in this deep, resonating call?  It’s a call to walk out our destiny as children of God.  It’s a call to be revealed as His children, taking our place in heaven while still living here on earth because the kingdom is inside of us (Luke 17:21).  It’s a call to finding and fulfilling our heavenly role of bringing heaven to earth.  It’s a call to obtain a deeper revelation of our identity, position and authority in the Kingdom. 

And when we know those things, stress, anxiety, depression, fear, addictions, all our coping mechanisms and defense mechanisms, toxic thoughts, and compulsive behaviors will lose their power.  

If you have been crying out for more because you want to live at a higher level, up above the stress, worry and fear, that is your deep cry resonating with the deep call from heaven.  It is not something wrong with you or another thing in your life that hasn’t lived up to your expectations and you just have to live with it.  It's a stirring of holy discontentment for the level of intimacy that you currently have with God.  It can draw you forward in curiosity to a whole other life waiting for you just beyond this flimsy veil; the veil of what seems so real in this natural world but really holds no power over you anymore now that you are in Christ.

Take 10 minutes this week and journal a letter to God.  Pour out your heart about all the ways it feels like He has disappointed you, hasn’t lived up to His promises, or hasn’t shown up in your life like you have wanted Him to.  List the things you desire you had in your relationship with Him but you feel are missing, like hearing Him easier, sensing His presence more fully, having more manifestations of His power through healings and miracles.  Tell Him how you long to experience more of Him, be closer to Him, and have the life union the Bible tells us is possible. I have a worksheet download for you if you would like it with some journaling prompts to take you deeper in this exercise.

All those areas you are discontent with are simply areas that God is telling you there is more.  When you realize that, you don't add to your stress, you don't view it as disappointing or negative, you see it as something to continue pressing into.   It’s not you complaining, it is deep calling unto deep to come closer to God.  

Stick with me in these blogs as we’ll be exploring all of this and so much more so you can bust through your stress for the glory of God.

Do you prefer to listen on the go instead of reading?  You can listen to the podcast version of each blog here.